Life in Special Forces

Families in Special Forces 
Special Operations families are without equal. SF families have many unique characteristics and characterize themselves as independent and self-sufficient but they balance this with a strong sense of community with other SF families. 
Wives of SF Soldiers describe themselves as – Selfless, Flexible, Strong, A “jack of all trades”, Supportive of their husband’s work and Outgoing.

Common Issues for Families in SF 
Currently the total number of times an SF Soldier is away from home in one year may be the same or even less than the number of times he would be away from home in a conventional combat arms unit. The length of a deployment can easily affect the family, but most SF families understand they must contend with this.  The SF Soldier may be gone for several weeks or months at a time when he is deployed for training, missions, or away at schools. Time away tends to be greater for Soldiers who are on an SFODA than for Soldiers with other assignments. The Special Operations Command recognizes the sacrifices these families make and try to help make the Soldier’s time at home better for their families. 

Most deployments are planned well in advance, and families are given the Soldier’s location and address. In these situations, the Soldier will have access to some form of communication to get in contact with his loved ones at home. However, there are rare occasions when the Soldier deploys unexpectedly or is not able to disclose his exact location. The family may not be able to communicate with him for unknown amounts of time. The unpredictability of such deployments can cause stress for the family because they are unable to plan for his absence, and they are sometimes unable to plan on his exact return date.  

The time a Soldier is away can be particularly stressful for families with children. The wife must typically assume all responsibilities when her husband is away, including childcare, household finances, and household upkeep. Keeping the children’s relationship with their father secure and ongoing in another challenge when the father is away for long periods. Involvement in the unit’s Family Readiness Group can help to create a support network for the family to help solve some of the inevitable issues that will arise during deployment. 

The transition time when the Soldier is leaving and returning from deployments can also be stressful and emotional for both husband and wife. Many wives settle into new routines when the husband is away and then must readjust these routines when he returns. On the other hand, some husbands and wives report a positive outcome when the husband returns from deployment because they experience a repeated honeymoon period.  Both positive and negative outcomes directly come from the family’s attitude and opinions about coping with deployment.  The family must always maintain an open line of communication about deployment in order to have a better understanding of the nature of his job in SF and to communicate the different stresses they encounter.  

Some wives report that they’ve had to adjust to the realization that their husbands truly love their job and are committed to their team and its missions. Some wives find it disconcerting that their husband spends so much time with his team, even when the team is not deployed. On the other hand, many wives spend a great deal of time socializing with the other wives on the team, so that the team’s closeness is a positive factor for everyone in the family. 

Common family stresses in SF are the – Length of time the Soldier is away, Number of times the Soldier is away (especially when he is on a SFODA), Loneliness due to separations, Difficulties of communication (due to Soldier’s schedule), Difficulties maintaining relationships between fathers and young children, Transition times of leaving and returning and disruptions of routines, Inability to plan family vacations or activities when unscheduled deployments arise, Difficulties maintaining household finances. 

Family Support Mechanisms 
Special Operations has always set the example for the Army with respect to support for families. They were one of the first to develop Family Readiness Groups (FRG), and now have demanded that Family Readiness Program Coordinators and Assistants be a part of the Chain of Command to advocate the families needs. This action has inspired all Army Commands to institute these vital members into their organizations. Now, each MSC/MSU within USASOC has a Family Resource Center (FRC). Family Resource Centers are unique to Special Operations, where we have one at each of our units, most garrison units will only have a resource center at the Installation level. An FRG is a command-sponsored organization of family members, volunteers, Soldiers and civilian employees belonging to a unit, that provide an avenue of mutual support and assistance and a network of communication among the family members, the chain of command, chain of concern, and community resources. FRGs assist the unit Commander in providing family members with the tools necessary to educate, enable, and empower them so that they obtain the skills that foster resilience. 

When the Soldier begins the SFQC, the Company Commander will host a briefing/social that will help to introduce the families to the FRG and the Family Readiness Coordinator. The meetings, which are open to all, provide opportunities to discuss issues and share information. Each SF Group also has its own family readiness group. Plus, there are many other formal and informal sources of support for SF families. A family member in SF never needs to feel alone. 

Sources of support for SF families include – Family Readiness Centers(where family members can come to socialize, get information, volunteer, seek advice or assistance, ask questions about their Soldier and/ or the unit’s mission), Family Readiness Group, Close, supportive relationships among team members and their wives (the team is often described as a “second family”),  “Chain of concern” rosters used to pass along information and assistance, Chaplain’s office and the installation Family Resource Center, Family Pre-deployment and Re-deployment briefs